Dealing With A Manipulator!!

By Dr jarlat Uche opara

Nothing is as hurtful as looking back only to realise how ones claws have been used by someone for selfish purposes to get hot nuts from a furnace.

The burns, the blisters would always be a bitter reminder of how brainless one has been in the hand of a manipulator

Very painful, to realize how the one who actually caused a stir, the running, stampeding and the panting, turned to ask “what the problem was”?. They killed, buried but cried the most, asking what really happened as if they didn’t orchestrate it.

They are the narcissists, self possessed, self opinionated, highly ambitious and drunk with power. They pretend to be on same page with one , but far beyond ones imagination. Their influence to manipulate, to indulge their whims and caprices always an obsession.

They are the manipulators! They live by manipulation. Breathe manipulations and the worth and essence of their lives scaled through manipulation.

They don’t look what they do- manipulation. Their countenance very innocent, their words very subtle but their intentions very selfish and self glorifying.

They don’t get involved with things that wouldn’t project them with the visibility that gives them premium. Always wanting to be at the centre, controlling, directing and navigating with the hidden purpose for self projection.

A lot of them walk so seamlessly on both political and religious platforms. Surreptitiously they get to their victims like a bug eating deep into the fabrics of a wood unnoticed.

With lies coated with sweetness, one falls to their gimmicks innocently, realising late when the sweetness is licked away and the bitterness of their real intentions hits the taste bud.

Our political space is bad and ungodly today because of manipulators. Their promises very inticing while Implimentation becomes a whirlwind, raising an empty dust.

They are no better in the religious space. More deadly and cancerous to the body of Christ. They preach Christ so powerfully on the lips while the heart are filled with selfishness. From the lowly the raise the hope of many, unleashing their orchestrated dubioucity on the innocent victims.

Better deal with a celebrated sinner, murderer, adulterer etc than deal with a manipulator. With the former one would be careful and be on ones guard while the latter, would come with a friendly mien while their arsenal of subjugation, suppression and taking of undue advantage would be deployed.

*Few traces of a manipulator*

*Common Signs of Manipulation:*

– *Gaslighting*: Making you doubt your reality, memories, or perceptions
– *Guilt-tripping*: Inducing feelings of guilt to control your actions
– *Emotional Blackmail*: Threatening negative consequences if demands aren’t met
– *Love Bombing*: Overwhelming you with excessive attention and affection
– *Playing the Victim*: Portraying themselves as helpless or wronged to gain sympathy

*Non-Verbal Cues:*

– *Dismissive facial expressions* or *condescending tone*
– *Intimidating posture* or *invading personal space*
– *Exaggerated sighs or eye rolls* to show disapproval

*Tactics Used by Manipulators:*

– *Projection*: Attributing their own negative feelings to others
– *Minimizing*: Dismissing the significance of your feelings or actions
– *Triangulation*: Involving third parties to validate their position or shift blame
– *Silent Treatment*: Withdrawing communication as punishment or control
– *Flattery*: Using excessive praise to gain favor and manipulate actions

*Protecting Yourself:*

– *Set clear boundaries* and assertively express your needs
– *Stay grounded and objective*, trusting your own self-worth
– *Practice active listening* and seek clarification when needed

Identify manipulators around you and give them space. Don’t confront them, one might be manipulated confronting them. Just flee!!

Jarlathuche@gmail.com