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THE SEXUALIZATION OF MARRIAGE: THE RAW REALITY NOBODY TALKS ABOUT
Procreation can still happen without sex,if God wants it. He is
God Almighty. He is beyond limitations and operates on a scale of intelligence that defies the depth of human comprehension.
Finding another means of bringing human life into existence, outside sexual intercourse, would hardly be a task too Herculean for Him.
Speaking to myself and reflecting deeply with my inquisitive mind, I began to wonder whether one of the largely unspoken motivations for entering marriage, apart from companionship, love, family and the other dimensions of marital union, is the desire for procreation through the channel of sex.
Sex has become such a powerful and integral part of human relationships that anything that touches it often touches the deepest emotional nerves of the parties involved.Nothing seems to break the heart quite like sex misused.
Money misused can hurt deeply, but its wounds can sometimes be approached rationally.
Attitude and character can equally damage a relationship, but sexual betrayal seems to operate on another emotional frequency altogether. It does not merely offend trust; it can shake intimacy, exclusivity, identity and the very sense of being chosen.
Why are spouses often so jealous and protective of each other?It is not primarily because the other person is beautiful or handsome. At the deepest level, it is often the fear that the person with whom one has entered an exclusive intimate covenant may share that intimacy with someone else.
Imagine a divine protective mechanism that would make it impossible for a married person to become sexually intimate with anyone other than their spouse.
Imagine a divine orchestration that would simply neutralise the sexual feelings, emotional impulses and biological responses of a person whenever they were in the presence of someone who was not their spouse.
Would we still be this jealous of our spouses? Would we still feel so insecure about who our spouses are with?
Would the presence of another attractive person around our spouses automatically become a threat?
Perhaps the very possibility of sexual intimacy with someone else is what gives sexual exclusivity such enormous emotional weight.
Sex is good. Marriage is good. Sexual intimacy within marriage is good.
But perhaps sex has become the most overrated component of marriage.Marriage offers companionship. Friendship.Partnership. Family. Spiritual communion. Shared purpose. Emotional shelter. Growth. Sacrifice. Service. The building of a home and the raising of another generation.
Yet somehow, sex has become so disproportionately central to our understanding of marriage that its misuse can make people feel as though the entire foundation of their lives has collapsed.
That is what fascinates me.Sex is only one dimension of marriage, yet it possesses an extraordinary capacity to disrupt every other dimension of it.
People have survived financial losses together. They have survived sickness, unemployment, disappointments, failures and difficult seasons. But sexual betrayal can introduce a wound that seems to speak to something much deeper: “You gave to another person what I believed belonged exclusively to us.”
Perhaps this is why sexual betrayal can be so devastating. This is also why we need to ask an uncomfortable question:Have we allowed sex to become so central to marriage that we sometimes mistake the sexual bond for the marriage itself?
Sex is good.
But marriage is much bigger than sex. Sex is good, but it shouldn’t be seen and treated as a God. It is good, but one shouldn’t invest unnecessary emotion to it. Great people don’t get weaved around it, they understand its usefulness but do not get soaked into it , to the point of losing their reasoning. See your spouses beyond the sex dynamism and your marriage would weather all storms and challenges that have ravaged many marriages .
Note: This piece is for mature and emotionally intelligent people. Scroll pass it if it is very complicated for your mind
Jarlath Uche Opara
jarlathuche@gmail.com