Opinion
GO FOR THE HEART, NOT THE BODY
Dr jalarth Uche Opara
Marriage is a mystery.
Not everyone who enters marriage fully understands its dynamics, demands and nuances. To some, marriage is primarily about sex. To others, children are the ultimate purpose. Some see companionship as its essence, while others believe love is all that matters.
None of these perspectives is entirely wrong. But none of them, by itself, is entirely right either. Marriage is bigger than any single dimension of it.
It is like a jigsaw puzzle, a beautiful picture made up of many different pieces. Attraction is one piece. Intimacy is another. Love, companionship, friendship, sex, children, care, patience, tolerance, sacrifice, forgiveness, endurance and commitment are all pieces of the same puzzle. Remove some of these pieces and the picture becomes incomplete.The danger begins when one piece is mistaken for the whole.
When physical attraction becomes the only gauge of a good marriage, what happens when age changes the body?
When sex becomes the primary measure of marital satisfaction, what happens when illness, pregnancy, exhaustion, hormonal changes or the inevitable seasons of life affect intimacy?
When companionship is the ultimate foundation, what happens when circumstances create distance?
When children become the only reason for staying together, what happens when they grow up and leave?
And when romantic feelings alone become the foundation, what happens when the excitement of the early years gives way to routine, responsibility and the ordinary struggles of life Marriage must therefore go deeper than the body.
Go for the heart, not merely the body. The body changes. Beauty fades. Strength diminishes.Circumstances shift. Children grow. Finances fluctuate. Health can fail. Careers change.Dreams are sometimes delayed. Life will test every marriage.
But when two people have learnt to connect at the level of the heart when there is friendship, understanding, respect, compassion, forgiveness, loyalty and a willingness to sacrifice for each other, the marriage that possesses an inner strength that physical attraction alone cannot provide.
This does not diminish sex or physical attraction. They are important parts of marriage. But they are pieces of the puzzle, not the entire picture. A marriage built primarily on the body may survive while the body remains attractive.
A marriage built on convenience may survive while convenience remains available.A marriage built only around children may survive while the children remain at home.
But a marriage rooted in the heart has a better chance of surviving the storms that inevitably come with life. Because marriage is not simply about who attracts you.
It is also about who understands you, who stands with you, who forgives you, who challenges you, who carries you when you are weak, and who remains when life is no longer beautiful.
The waves of life’s vicissitudes will eventually come. Every marriage will encounter its own storms.The question is not whether the storm will come.The question is: what have you built your marriage upon before the storm arrives?
Go beyond the body.
Go beyond the excitement.
Go beyond the convenience.
Go for the heart.
The body will change but the heart is where the covenant must live.
What is your spouse to you? Body of attraction for sexual orgies satisfaction? An ATM that picks bills? A piece of furniture the truckles at the bellow of your command? Or an image of God, chosen to love, forgive, tolerate and support in whatever situation and circumstances?
Jarlath Uche Opara
jarlathuche@gmail.com