How People React to Certain Questions

Dr jalarth Uche Opara

Yesterday, after Stations of the Cross and Mass, I drove to a nearby store, H-Medix, to pick up a few things. The place was crowded.

Vehicles were jostling for space, the parking lot was choked, and movement was slow. The security personnel on duty were doing their best to manage the chaos, but a few hitches were unavoidable.

After picking up what I came for, I returned to my car and attempted to drive out. I got stuck briefly and had to wait a few minutes for the security men to clear a path. Eventually, they did.

Just as I was about to move out of the parking lot, a man in a silver Lexus saloon suddenly began honking aggressively behind me.

He threw a few uncomplimentary remarks my way. I remained calm and kept control of my emotions until I was finally able to exit the parking lot.
As I pulled out, I wound down my glass and asked him a simple question:
“Are you crazy?”
It was as if a flaming arrow had been shot at him. Instantly he became enraged. He looked ready to jump out of his car perhaps to slap me or grab any object within reach to hit me. He was visibly shaking as he shouted back: “You are mad! You are a fool! You are an idiot!”
I looked at him, chuckled, and replied calmly: “Well, you have just confirmed that you are crazy. I wasn’t sure before the reason I asked if you were crazy, but now that you have confirmed it, I’m sorry I don’t talk to crazy people.” Immediately, I drove off, my tyres screeching slightly as I left.

I suspect I left him feeling deflated and empty. Interestingly, I did not insult him. I simply asked a question: “Are you crazy?” Yet he interpreted the question as a direct insult.
This experience reveals something about human behavior.

Many people mistake questions for statements of fact.
Questions such as “Are you mad?”, “Are you foolish?”, or “Are you stupid?” are often received as insults rather than inquiries.

But to a mind that is emotionally intelligent one that is not reactive but reflective such questions should not automatically provoke anger.

A calm response like “No, I am not mad” would have ended the moment instantly. Instead, his reaction created the very impression he was trying to resist.

Emotionally intelligent minds do not fly off the handle. They pause, process, and respond thoughtfully. When questions are asked, they do not immediately assume hostility or attach negative meaning.

Sometimes, the reaction itself becomes the answer.
And by the time he left H-Medix that evening, one can only imagine the emotional burden he carried away with him.

When a question is asked, ones reaction is usually informed by the level of ones emotional intelligence and the very hidden nature of what one is afraid of. The question are you stupid? Would provoke violent reaction if there is some level of stupidity in one.

When a very tall person is asked are you a dwarf? What possibly would be the person’ reaction? laughing over it would be the best reaction. Same should be with the questions like are you stupid? Crazy? Only those who don’t know themselves like that my friend at H- Medix would get peeved and enraged.

Jarlathuche@gmail.com