WHEN INTIMACY BECOMES SECONDARY IN MARRIAGE. “EPISODE ONE”

By Dr. jalarth Uche Opara

We got married years ago. She was my childhood friend, grew up in same enviroment, went to same school but from different tribes.

We went to same Univerisity, served in same Local Government, everything about us was like one designed from heaven. Just good friends, nothing beyond that and none of us thought about anything outside the good moments shared, the jokes cracked, the healthy company enjoyed. Very close, shared secrets, slept on same bed but no feeling to engage in any indecent act..

It sounded strange when at that time during our University days, every young student had relationship that was weaved around amorous intimacy.

After our youth service, she got a job with one Investiment Company in Lagos while I went back to school to do my Masters degree. Within that period many came seeking her hand in marriage. Each that came, she would tell me and asked my opinion. Never for one day did I discourage her, always telling her to pray and follow her heart . Whatever gives her peace regardless of external looks and financial status should be her priority. Marriage wasn’t in my mind, even if it was, I never thought of getting married to her. This continued for three years, by that time I had rounded up my Masters programm, got a job with an oil and gas firm and started planning for the future.

The enviroment I was, like hers one wasn’t free from daily reception of overtures. It was intensed and the temptation very delibrate. It was then that the idea of getting married began to grow in my mind. I had this crush, a young lady, vibrant and intelligent whose approach to duties and responsibilities in the office very sterling. She became an option for me , though very careful in making my intention known.

One day I walked into my MD’ office, in his warm embrace was this lady I was crushing on. A sight that gave me pains and shrivelled my spirit with the agony of the calvary.

For months my heart ached, broken and crushed. The interest that was gradually building in me for marriage was chrushed. She equally had a simillar experience when right before her the guy that approached her for marriage was caught cheating on her.

That day she called, sobbing uncontrollably. For the first time she knew what heart break was all about. She couldn’t breath and her interest in men went from 70 to zero percent. In same betrayal we found ourselves, facing same ordeal and not knowing how to get over it.

Few months after the heart break, she visited me in Port Hacourt where I was working. She came on a friday and left on monday morning. Cooked, cleaned the house and washed my cloths. We spent more time sharing experiences, laughing , cracking jokes. By some sudden flash of emotions I began to see her from a different light.

That sister -brother feelings began to fall from my eyes and a more intensed feelings of deeper affection began to boil within me, at the verge of ventilating it through intimacy . At that point I knew I would marry her, my heart kept racing and the pounding in my heart very unsual.

That night I discovered something that shocked me till today. It was unusual, it was uncommon but that was her reality and her story. I only saw such in movies, but that night it dawned on me that people could have such, not make believe, not a prank, not stage managed, but real

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