News
Marriage: An Algebra Without a Standard Formula
By Dr jarlat Uche opara
In my 36 years as a priest, there is no marriage issue I have never settled. Each with their uniqueness with no fix it all approach.
I am inspired this morning to talk about marriage from the impressions people have about marriage during my counselling sessions.
Marriage could be said to be an algebra with no standard formula, an equation written by two minds, two histories, and two imperfect hearts, seeking harmony in a world that constantly shifts the values of its variables. No textbook defines its steps, no universal theorem guarantees its solutions. What works for one couple effortlessly may behard nut for another, every marriage is a private mathematics, a discipline of patience, discovery, and ever-renewed understanding of the equation that works for it.
In this unique and custom designed algebra, love is only the starting point, not the final answer. It is the first number placed on the page, the given constant. But soon, life introduces its x and y: the unknown moods of a partner, the quiet fears they carry, the dreams they dare not voice and the past they cannot erase.
Marriage is the art of solving these unknowns with gentleness, of learning that sometimes the deepest truths are not spoken but felt, uncovered slowly through time.
There are days when the equation balances effortlessly, when laughter adds warmth, forgiveness subtracts tension, and companionship multiplies joy. But there are also days when nothing aligns, when communication stumbles, when silence expands like a bracket enclosing unspoken grievances. On such days, marriage becomes the slow, deliberate work of rearranging terms, shifting perspectives, and trying again with humility.
To stay married is to accept that the solving never truly ends. New seasons bring new variables: children who reshape priorities, careers that demand recalculations, aging parents, financial pressures, personal growth. Each twist of life introduces a fresh unknown, and the couple must sit together once more, pencils in hand, hearts open, willing to rework the problem as partners rather than opponents.
Yet in this endless algebra lies a quiet beauty. For while there is no standard formula, there is a shared courage, the courage to learn each other anew, again and again. To choose understanding over pride, tenderness over anger, presence over escape. To hold the equation with reverence, even on the days it seems unsolvable.
Marriage, in the end, is not about perfect solutions but about faithful collaboration. Two people committed to showing up each day to solve life’s evolving riddle together. And though the formula is never fixed, the journey of solving it side by side becomes its own kind of answer; one written not in numbers, but in love refined through time.
I say this to you, there are many good and amazing marriages. There are equally well written and researched books on marriage. However, none of them has the principles that works for all marriages. Marriage is like an onion with different layers. Each layer comes with its tears, one either chooses to cry endlessly, abandoning the peeling, or decides to endure the discomfort to make a sumptuous meal out of it.
Read those books, admire those couples with amazing expression of a seeming perfect union, in all these find out what works for you, no two marriages are the same and no one drug cures different marriage challenges. The prescription of couple “A” with runny noses that works may be a wrong prescription for couple “B” with same runny noses. Diagnosis may be same but prescription may be different. What works for each remains the best prescription and such prescription is better gotten from the Holy Spirit. Make him your partner in your marriage, you won’t get it wrong if you do!
Happy Sunday!
#FadaBlunt