News
Too Official In Love Affairs
By Dr jalarth Uche Opara
Real brotherhood is not merely about setting boundaries with love; it is about reaching a level of trust where boundaries become almost unnecessary because love, respect, and trust are mutually understood and faithfully guarded.
The deepest relationships are not built on suspicion, caution, and endless rules.
Love between husband and wife is far greater than physical intimacy. It extends beyond financial provision, beyond respect and submission.
At its highest expression, love is vulnerability , the ability to be oneself completely. It is being comfortable enough to be comical, to say silly things, to laugh together, to share fears, dreams, weaknesses, and imperfections without shame.
How vulnerable are you before your spouse? Before your parents, children, siblings, or friends? Can you speak freely without calculating every word?
Can you reveal your struggles without fear of judgment? Can you laugh without restraint and cry without embarrassment?
Any relationship that is excessively officious, governed by rigid rules and endless censorship of speech and conduct, gradually loses its humanity. It begins to resemble a mechanical arrangement rather than a living bond between people. Where every conversation must pass through filters of fear and caution, genuine connection struggles to survive.
Humour, jokes, freedom of expression, and open communication anchored on the tripod of love, mutual respect, and trust.are the ingredients of healthy and enduring relationships.
They create an atmosphere where people flourish rather than merely coexist.
When vulnerability is absent and officiousness occupies the centre stage, whatever love, respect, or submission is displayed often springs not from affection but from fear. And relationships sustained by fear may endure for a season, but they rarely produce the warmth, joy, and authenticity that every human heart longs for.
Perfect relationships are not those without disagreements or imperfections. They are those in which people feel safe enough to be completely themselves, knowing they are loved, respected, and trusted despite their flaws.
‘,”You dey craze”, ‘your head no correct”, “you no well”, “see your life” etc are expressions that spark off deep feelings of mutual affection in a healthy spouse relationship, where vulnerability strives without feeling insulted , deflated emotionally and self esteem diminished.
If you are not vulnerable before your spouse and emotionally fickle to appreciate your spouse’s vulnerability, you are in a marriage that is official to be emotionally driven.
Play around with your spouse in a child like manner. It helps to cement the union the more. Many spouses are too official in their love affairs.
Many sibblings are too official among themselves,no spark of freedom of expression. Many parents very officious with their children. Training children with such mindset oftentimes backfires. Let your relationship with your spouse, parents, children, sibblings etc be fun, jokes, comic driven though not without mutual respect and trust.
To your spouse, learn to drag their nose, tickle their ears, call them funny names, dance nake if possible, jump on them, wrestle if possible and convenient. What spices up marriages are these little things many consider childish and undignifying. Unnecessary steez in marriage kills feelings. Doubt it and argue eternally with yourself.
Jarlath Opara
jarlathuche@gmail.com